There has been a lot of great discussion around Say Yes To Gay YA By Rachel Manija Brown and Sherwood Smith and rightly so. I’m shocked at the number of writers and readers (and agents and editors) who were shocked by Brown and Smith’s article. Then again, this is something I deal with on a daily basis. I don’t have the privilege of being shocked by homophobia in publishing, both as a reader and as a writer. Anyone who has tried (and failed) to find characters in YA that reflect at least some of their own (gay) experience will discover quickly just how limited publishing is.
We live in a culture (the U.S.A.) centered around the myth of the American Dream. That somehow, if we’re simply talented enough (or worse, want it ‘with all our heart’) we will be successful. No matter the structural obstacles in place because we’re not white or straight or we’re poor or female or not Christian, etc. the only thing that matters is our own talents and drive. The self-help industry is booming because it keeps telling us that we will succeed if we just do this one thing differently. But what it’s really telling us (all the time from all media) is that we’re doing something wrong. It’s not that we’re the wrong _________ and that the entire culture is positioned to privilege people who were born in a different place or with different gender or that there is actual prejudice out there, it’s that we’re just not positive enough or good enough or strong enough or whatever. This is crippling if you’re not one of the right group. Especially when we’re trained from birth to believe that it’s really our fault. If we’d just try harder, work harder, be better, we’d be successful. It’s our own damn fault if we’re not.
This current kerfuffle in YA does, at least, get at some of the built-in industry prejudice. One of the most difficult things for me about publishing has been the issue of my characters’ sexuality, gender, and race. Because my characters are typically female, bi or gay, and very often not white, I have the constant worry that agents are not biting because of these issues rather than the writing. But at the same time, I live in a culture that tells me that these concerns are ridiculous. Not to mention that I am hyper critical of my own work so it feeds into my own existing insecurities and gives them more power. There are YA books (very few, but still) out there featuring gay protags so it must be me! It’s me that’s the problem! It’s the writing (which, let’s face it, can always be ‘better’). It’s not the gay. Or the girl germs.
When I began the terrifying and painful process of sending out my first YA novel years ago, I received glowing, page long rejections from two MAJOR agents, who honestly told me that coming-of-age lesbian novels just wouldn’t sell (at the time). And many others from agents who took issue with my writing style, storyline, etc. I took them at face value. But now, as I try to sell a second novel with a POC, lesbian protagonist, I can’t help but wonder if the sexuality (and gender, race, etc.) is at least, partially a factor. I go back and forth between thinking I should do massive rewrites (of content, not the characters and their sexualities, skin color, etc.) and resigning myself to the fact that the book is too gay and too strange (stylistically) for YA and publishing in general. This is absolutely destructive for a writer. Because on the one hand, I know that the writing can always be better, but on the other, I’m not sure it would make any difference at all. And I’ll never really know, will I?
It’s probably not surprising that the pieces I’m working on now are short fiction and a novel with an adult (still female, still gay) protagonist. I’ve put aside two other projects with teenage main characters (one of is a novel-length version of The Third Kind of Darkness, whose main character’s gender is…fluid).
Another fact: work=getting paid to deal with other people. I should be paid to go to the store because PEOPLE. - posted on 04/02/2012 14:20:07
